Apparently, ladies, we need make overs. Not just the handy goop and powders we smear on our faces. We are way beyond that. Now we need a variety of products to make ourselves appear . . . well . . . however whoever designed these things thinks we need to look. As I have yet to know which famous person might endorse said items, I don’t know how quickly these will catch on, though maybe we can be ahead of the trend. (Though when I think “ahead of the trend,” Lucy Ricardo in her gunny sack dress comes to mind.)  I can say I’m not going to pay much heed to any celebrity beauty endorsement, as I don’t particularly care for the look of any one starlet today because they still can’t hold a candle to such a natural lovely as Sophia Loren. Who doesn’t need anything like this. And who can still show the fancy shmancy show biz crowd that you can (and really really should) wear a decent (i.e. full coverage) dress and still out-dazzle everyone in the room, even though you’re, well, not their age anymore.

But, for those of us not so lucky, here are a few of the items we need (apparently) to get that look that (apparently) so many want.

First, something that helps our hair stretch vertically a few feet because we apparently need big hair. And ratting is outdated. (Thanks to Frau Magister who brought this to my attention. Though I’m still wondering why we need big hair and why it’s cuter than nature’s touch.)

Then, we need to fix the other end. This product was advertised recently after Craig Ferguson. A suggestion to future/current salespeople: if you want to sell an item that enhances a part of our body, please keep in mind that we don’t like to think of any part of our body “popping,” especially not our derriere. (Though if clothiers actually made real pants that fit we wouldn’t be having this conversation.)

Put these two things together with those brassieres various “secret” places want us to buy, the big heeled shoes that force us to learn to walk all over again, and voila! The new and improved you!

Me, I think I’ll stick with my old and just fine, reliable self. Because when I think of using all of these items at once, this dear lady comes to mind. Though she might be fun to imitate. I think I’ll just do what I usually do with weird fads: giggle and wait it out until it goes away and we all get back to . . .well  . . . normal.